Ugly Americans Shopping for France

I get a lot of vacation-trousseau shoppers preparing for a holiday across the pond in Paris. It's one of the easiest ways to get me in motion, totally motivated to dress you from head-to-toe in a way that will make heads turn (in appreciation, not shock,) jaws drop and cause people to say "Jackie Kennedy-who?" as you saunter by. I can really only visit Paris vicariously through you; getting vacation approval in retail is a complete nightmare but that's for another time and post.

No matter how well (and tastefully) you dress, how perfected your français is, how polite you are, how genteel you are, the French-at-large (especially Parisians) can spot an American a mile, er... kilometre, away. So there's really no hope in trying to "fit in" and, honestly, why would you want to? Enjoy the suspended reality! Enjoy being a stranger in a strange land! Just know that your trip will be so much more enjoyable if you dress and behave in an inoffensive manner. I am constantly lecturing this - do not give them a reason to treat you poorly and they will not.

BUT. You must know that customs are completely different and one of the biggest standouts is when shopping. Well, service in general. Do not expect to be bombarded by over-eager sales people when you enter a store. It's just not how they roll; you're not in the US anymore. Your server in the bistro will not crouch down by your table and annoyingly chirp out the daily specials over an abundance of pieces of flair on suspenders.

DO be polite, do greet clerks with a pleasant "bonjour", do have a fabulous time but do understand that you are in their 'hood and you're playing by their rules. I can't tell you how many people return from a trip to Paris and tell me how rude the sales people are. "They wouldn't let me try the clothing on" or "they rolled their eyes when I asked a question" or "they didn't even acknowledge me" and so on. Believe me, it's not that they hate you or are terrible people, it's simply their custom to conduct business in a certain manner.

My advice? Above all else, never wear shorts or sneakers (except Converse.) Don't take anything personally, eat a fabulous éclair at Fauchon and read up on Polly Platt before your trip.

Bonnes vacances!